10 signs you need to visit a sexual therapist or sexologist

When should you visit a sexologist? These pointers can help you make a decision.

You might think that no one can guide you when it comes to channelising your carnal desires, but that is not true. In fact, a lot of misunderstandings happen in a relationship when the sexual quotient starts to dwindle. But most of the time, especially in India, we choose to stay quiet about these problems instead of reaching out for help. Lack of awareness and knowledge makes it even more difficult for one to approach a qualified professional. However, if you want to know whether you need to visit a sexual therapist, here are a few points that can help you make a decision -

1. You have low sex drive: Nobody needs to explain to you if you are suffering from the same. Low sex drive means that you want to avoid physical intimacy with your partner. The reason for this could be many – hormonal changes (both in men and women) either due to physiological problems or certain medications, fatigue which could mean an underlying health condition and more. Sometimes low sex drive could also be due to a temporary phase like pregnancy orbreastfeeding. However, if it has been a problem for long and you and your partner are left unsatisfied because of that, it is better to talk to a therapist for help.

2. You experience intense sexual urges/behaviours/fantasies that involve unusual objects, activities or situations: This is a real problem and probably has a deep-seated psychological issue involved. These can cause  clinically significant distress in social, occupational and other areas of functioning.

3. You have physiological issues: In men, mostly erectile dysfunction,premature ejaculation or an inability to penetrate even after an erection can make sex difficult. However, most of these can be treated medically. But visiting a sexual therapist can help one know how to get started with the treatment. In women, problems like vaginal dryness, vaginismus, dyspareunia, pre-menopause, vaginal trauma could be a reason for painful intercourse. These problems can be identified and treated by a therapist or a sexologist.

4. Your sexual desires and needs are not in tune with each other: Both partners might not be on the same page when it comes to sex. Also, either of you might suffer from low sex drive due to stressor other issues (hormonal or effect of certain medicines). However, it is best to communicate with each other about this problem and visit a sexologist as a couple. It is better to get treated or counselled as a team to overcome the problem.

5. You are obsessed with sex: If you are preoccupied with sexual thoughts all the time and this is affecting your performance and functioning, it could stem out from an underlying psychological issue that needs immediate attention. Talking to a sexologist or therapist to get to the root of the trouble can help.

6. You feel guilty about having sex: For some, having sex can take them on a guilt trip. This could be due to bad sexual experience, being a victim of child abuse or other such issues. Whatever the problem is talking to a therapist or sexologist can help overcome the guilt and be a better participant during sexual interactions.

7. You are unable to achieve an orgasm: This happens mostly with women, as with men, ejaculation and orgasm usually go hand-in-hand. So if an orgasm is not possible despite having the desire and having a loving, cooperating and active partner, a visit to the sexologist seems necessary.

8. You are confused about your sexual orientation: Since we don’t talk about this freely, many people remain trapped in an identity that’s not their own. If you don’t know how to broach this subject of sexual orientation or are unable to accept your own identity, talk to an expert who can help you break the stigma and come out on your own.

9. You are not able to do it despite the desire : Sometimes everything may seem right, but you may still be unable to have an intercourse or the intercourse may be too painful. This also is a warning sign that you need to visit a sex therapist soon.

With inputs from the book ‘The Ultimate Book of Sex,’ by Dr Rajan Bhonsle & Dr Minnu Bhonsle